Monday, June 25, 2012

What's In a Name

A blog name that is. I don't know that I've ever explained how our blog got it's name, but this summer if you could read my mind it would be self-explanatory. I'm a planner, I'm a dreamer, I like things my way, I don't particularly like uncertainty. But I have this friend, more like a Father really, who knows me so well. He knows my imperfections, my weaknesses, my greatest desires, and my plans. He also knows my future, my needs before I even express them, and even the number of hairs on my head. He knows where I need to grow and change in my life, and he knows exactly when everything should happen.  Above all, he knows what He has Planned for me.

At the time I started this blog, God was revealing more of his plan in my life. I was married to a godly man I greatly desired but had almost given up on finding, and was expecting a baby that I greatly desired and had so feared I would never get to have. I was preparing to move back to the area where I grew up, something I would have never imagined just a few years earlier. I was moving to the street where I had pretended I lived as a little girl, but hadn't given a second thought since. Soon I found myself with not just a desire, but a need to be a stay at home mom that could not be ignored. I had never even considered staying home before.  It didn't happen in my time, but in God's time that need was met. With each of those life changes, I knew it had to be God's plan because it was more than I could even imagine. Over the last year I've marveled at how much better his plan is than mine ever was.

Of course, I've also continued to try to make my own plans. My plan was to go to a three day technology conference last week while my aunt kept Brennan. My plan has been to stay home until Brennan is at least four and a half. My plan was to keep marking projects off our to do list. My plan was to already have the hall bath redone, the carport painted, the back porch finished, and our bedroom completed. My to do list even had dates next to each project! My plan included a fall vacation again. My plan included seeking His plan for our family. Is one child enough? Should we have one more? And I hoped to have that answer by now because I'm not getting any younger, and spring birthdays seem nice!

God's plan.....a little refining moment, a little test of faith, a little reminder that he is in control. The first thing that comes to mind is a whole lot of uncertainty. I don't know if my aunt will ever be able to keep Brennan again, I don't know if we'll have an income in two months, I don't know if these changes are his answer about another baby for us. In moments of weakness, I fear all of these unknowns. I fear that I should be going back to work to ensure an income,  I fear that I will have to go back to work and miss out on this job at home. Then I remember God's promise to never leave or forsake us. I know he has a plan for us, that his plan will be perfect, and that it will be revealed in his time. He has already answered prayers daily from the smallest to the largest. Some of those answers have been so instant and so exact that any doubt of his power for us I might let creep in is instantly erased. I believe he guides our desires and plans to align with his when we seek him. That's my plan right now, just seek his will and let him do the rest through me. I know it may or may not go as I would like, but This Life He Planned is pretty great!  Even through the storms he reigns!

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